A billion steps forward, a billion steps back. The year of the Tiger took my life into its jaws, thrashed around for awhile, and is slowly releasing its grip. Perhaps the year of the bunny will be softer, gentler, and even more cuddly? I could go through the laundry list of events from moving all over the bay area in the last 12 months to embarking on an entirely new journey as a mother. The intensity of life has hit me. I feel grown up. The bills keep coming in. There will always be more work to get done or something somewhere to finish. The happiness I felt and the carefreeness that brought this kid into this world has transformed into deep breathing and mental coaching. It finally had become easy to be alone, have no one else depend on me, and only worry about what I wanted. Lots of me me me in that statement. As if God had granted me that moment and then said "Great, now you are prepared," and has granted me the priviledge of family. And it really is a priviledge. But it is also a challenge. To find the kingdom of heaven within, to heal, to transform, to hold space for it all, and to serve others is truly what this life is about for me. I had felt that sense of completeness before, but what mirror was I holding up? There was the challenge of where to sleep and how to get from point A to point B. Where was my kindred spirit to reveal the shadow and help me transform that? He came
, along with a baby and now every day we are transforming. Transforming the grounds where we have made our first home into safety, being grateful for the present moment and understanding our part in that creation, and remembering at the end of each thought that it all comes back to love. And I already love her in a way that really there is no way to compare. The miracles of life from car accidents, to baby's first cries that we hear in hospitals, to the death of loved ones and the agony heard in your friends screams are all apart of It. You are fulfilled. This is it. You are satisfied. She'll be here soon hopefully and I can get a taste of what this Love is. It makes perfect sense to me now that a celestial father is the metaphor we have created for this perfect Love, because it really is a mysterious, tiger like protection and love you have for the being that has come from you.
A billion steps forward, a billion steps back. The year of the Tiger took my life into its jaws, thrashed around for awhile, and is slowly releasing its grip. Perhaps the year of the bunny will be softer, gentler, and even more cuddly? I could go through the laundry list of events from moving all over the bay area in the last 12 months to embarking on an entirely new journey as a mother. The intensity of life has hit me. I feel grown up. The bills keep coming in. There will always be more work to get done or something somewhere to finish. The happiness I felt and the carefreeness that brought this kid into this world has transformed into deep breathing and mental coaching. It finally had become easy to be alone, have no one else depend on me, and only worry about what I wanted. Lots of me me me in that statement. As if God had granted me that moment and then said "Great, now you are prepared," and has granted me the priviledge of family. And it really is a priviledge. But it is also a challenge. To find the kingdom of heaven within, to heal, to transform, to hold space for it all, and to serve others is truly what this life is about for me. I had felt that sense of completeness before, but what mirror was I holding up? There was the challenge of where to sleep and how to get from point A to point B. Where was my kindred spirit to reveal the shadow and help me transform that? He came
, along with a baby and now every day we are transforming. Transforming the grounds where we have made our first home into safety, being grateful for the present moment and understanding our part in that creation, and remembering at the end of each thought that it all comes back to love. And I already love her in a way that really there is no way to compare. The miracles of life from car accidents, to baby's first cries that we hear in hospitals, to the death of loved ones and the agony heard in your friends screams are all apart of It. You are fulfilled. This is it. You are satisfied. She'll be here soon hopefully and I can get a taste of what this Love is. It makes perfect sense to me now that a celestial father is the metaphor we have created for this perfect Love, because it really is a mysterious, tiger like protection and love you have for the being that has come from you.
